Drop your vaginal jade eggs.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s goop has a new wellness product: psychic vampire repellent.
The $30 ‘spray-able elixir’ contains ruby, rosemary, juniper, lavender, and reiki charged with crystals.
According to the site, it will ‘banish bad vibes (and shield you from the people who may be causing them)’.
Users are directed to ‘shake gently before each use’ then ‘spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm.’
They should avoid contact with eyes and must not ingest or inhale the ‘protective mist’.
Of course, it is not the only ‘gem healing’ spray with magical properties available on the site.
This is the ‘gem healing’ spray with supposedly magical properties to repel ‘bad vibes’, sold on goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s controversial wellness site
Customers can also purchase a $30 ‘kid calming mist’.
‘For getting the kiddos to chill, this aromatherapy mist is incredible,’ the site reads.
‘In addition to uplifting rosewater, cleansing sea salt, and therapeutic-grade oils of lavender, jasmine, chamomile, and geranium, it also contains a blend of sonically tuned gem elixirs (amethyst, jade, selenite, and rose quartz) and tiny, Reiki-charged crystals.
‘It also smells incredible – misted into the air, this magic elixir can instantly soothe virtually anyone’s energy.’
Users are directed to shake the 3.4 oz bottle gently, ‘then spray into the air around your wild child’s aura to restore peace to the environment’.
As they do so, they should avoid spraying near their own eyes, and do not ingest or inhale.
And for those without kids, perhaps working in an office, Gwyneth has a ‘clean slate cleansing elixir…to clean the air of negative energies.’
‘You can think of this mister as the aromatherapy version of sage smudging (minus the smoke),’ the site reads.
Calm your child? Users are directed to shake the 3.4 oz bottle gently, ‘then spray into the air around your wild child’s aura to restore peace to the environment’
For those without kids, perhaps working in an office, Gwyneth’s site has a ‘clean slate cleansing elixir…to clean the air of negative energies’
The oils are not goop’s creation; they are manufactured and sold by Paper Crane Apothecary, which sells the products online at a cheaper price of $24 per bottle.
But with Gwyneth’s backing, the sprays are now garnering attention.
The lifestyle website, the brainchild of the actress-turned-entrepreneur, has earned a name for promoting unusual and often controversial products and lifestyles.
Since its launch in 2008, the site has become something that people love to hate, as Paltrow’s crop of wellness gurus have urged readers to steam their vaginas, take a sauna when they are ill, and buy $113 toothpaste.
Vocal goop critic Dr Jen Gunter was quick to ridicule the latest products.
‘The psychic vampire repellent may not be FDA evaluated,’ she wrote in a blog post.
‘But who cares when it has sonically tuned water, moonlight, love, reiki, and gem elixirs which is totally not left over water from a rock polisher.’