When was the last time you told yourself ‘I love you?’, or did something that you wanted to do for yourself?
Neurolinguistic practitioner and accredited international coach, Nicola Findlay, 36, from Surrey, is the author of Live Like You Give A F*** – a new book that encourages women to do just that.
Throughout the book, Nicola tackles the reader’s beliefs, goals, self love, commitment and confidence in a straight-talking manner and encourages them to stop making excuses for dramas and disappointment, ditch losers in their life, and start living the life they want.
Here, she reveals her formula she says ladies can follow to get the life they want and deserve.
Nicola Findlay, 31, is a mother-of-one and lives in Surrey. She believes that her book will change people’s lives and the way they see themselves (stock image)
STOP LIMITING YOURSELF
One of her theories is that women tend to have beliefs that limit us rather than empower.
She explains: ‘You can recognise a limiting belief because it will appear as a negative thought sounding something like; ‘I can’t lose weight, I’m too old, I’m rubbish at…, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not good at…’
To avoid disadvantaging yourself, Nicola teaches readers to imagine these negative beliefs are coming from a ‘nasty b****’ and to not pay attention to this woman, or entertain her and to ‘starve her a** out of your system’.
In a specific exercise, she tells readers to write down what they are ‘rubbish’ at. This then leads to filling out a box explaining where that belief comes from.
She says: ‘Every single thing on this planet when broken down into its most microscopic form is energy. And energy, like high-school kids, likes hanging around with other energy like itself.
‘So positive waves of energy will flow and attract to other molecules of positive energy. And likewise, yes you guessed it, negative energy will attract to other forms of negative energy, which is commonly referred to as the Law of Attraction.’
Originally a British Airways flight attendant, Nicola is a qualified neurolinguistic practitioner and accredited international coach and has been in the industry for over 10 years
LEARN HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF
When it comes to self love, Nicola believes that women aren’t that great at it. One of the things that women do when they look in the mirror is automatically look for imperfections – so to banish that self-loathing behaviour she tells readers that they should look at themselves in the mirror every morning and say ‘I love you’.
As a way to get into the habit of not scanning for imperfections, she requests readers to write down a list of the things that they like about themselves.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
As far as standards in choosing the people you surround yourself with – including your love interests – Nicola has a few tough words.
She says: ‘Raise the bar on how you want to be treated. If someone can’t jump that high, they’re out.’
She explains that there are seven billion people on this planet, so it’s a lot easier than you may think to find someone that treats you with the respect that you deserve.
SMASH YOUR GOALS
On the topic of achieving goals, she writes: ‘Some people seem to think goal setting is boring, which I find fascinating.
‘These are the same people that spend countless hours complaining about life; works a drag, their partner’s a loser, money is tight, they feel sluggish or overweight.’
LIVE LIKE YOU GIVE A F*** TOP TIPS
1. Find the origins of negative beliefs and limitations and ‘grow up, you are in charge of your thoughts.
2. Give yourself a break and have some ‘you time’.
3. Write a list of 10 things you would like to do for yourself – and do them.
4. If you can’t be bothered to plan life goals then you are going nowhere. It’s not a difficult process, what do you want to do?
5. Have a ‘JFDI’ (just f***ing do it) attitude when it comes to seizing opportunities
Once a goal has been chosen, she takes readers through sticking to that goal by staying committed. She says: ‘The bad news is that when you have set a goal, something is bound to come along to push you off track. You won’t get the promotion, someone will steal your idea or your money will run out.’
But she goes on to explain that ‘s*** happens’ and that you’ve got to just carry on and figure out your ‘why’ – what it means to you to achieve this goal.
LEARN TO FOCUS
When it comes to focus, she sees it from a very scientific view point. She explains that we have function in our brains called the RAS which stands for the Reticular Activating System, and this tiny part of your brain has the power to completely influence your life.
She goes on to say that we have millions of bits of information that flood our brains every second, and the RAS acts like a sieve.
Nicola believes that women tend to have beliefs that limit us rather than empower. To put a stop to this she says to treat negative beliefs as a nasty b**** that you should ignore
‘Whether I’ve been looking for the perfect parking spot, a cute outfit, a new car or the right man. What you focus on is exactly what you get.’
‘An example you’ll probably recognise is when you want a new car, and you suddenly start to see that make and model of car everywhere, and you’re like, Oh there’s another one again, and I can’t wait until I get mine.
‘There were always that number of cars on the road, you just hadn’t noticed them before because it wasn’t important enough to you at the time. But now that you’re thinking and focusing on that particular car you see the damn thing everywhere.’
She says: ‘The pattern that I notice in a selection of my clients, friends and family is that if the focus is negative and you allow yourself to wallow in the s**t you are only going to attract more s**t.’
BUILD A DREAM TEAM
When it comes to building your own success Nicola stresses the importance of those around you and says that everyone needs a ‘Dream Team’. They are a group of people who will be there to support you when it comes to achieving your dreams.
She said: ‘Right now I have a small army of badass guys and girls on my Dream Team – some of whom I see frequently and some who are in my black book for when I need them. The important thing is knowing, understanding and implementing the right people in your life at the right time for what you need.’
Recruiting members of your Dream Team is just as important as putting useless players in the sin bin. She says: ‘For the people that don’t serve you, or only bring negativity or drama around you, drop ‘em like it’s hot. You don’t need that kind of influence in your life.’
Originally a British Airways flight attendant, Nicola is a qualified neurolinguistic practitioner and accredited international coach and has been in the industry for over 10 years.
She set up her own company, The Coaching Diva in 2015 and is planning a series of live events in London and New York including; Attracting Mr Right and Live Like You Give A F**K.