February 3, 2023

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The Reddit community is supporting a man who said he made flashcards to inform his brother that his young child was not invited to his wedding.

Redditor “throwaway3373123” asked others in the subreddit “Am I the A*****e” (AITA) on Monday, Nov. 28, for their opinions about how he dealt with his brother and sister-in-law’s repeated requests to bring their three-year-old to his child-free wedding.

The man — in a post titled “AITA for using flash cards to explain to my brother and his wife why they can’t bring their rainbow baby to my wedding?” — explained he and his fiancée have chosen to have a child-free wedding “to keep it more organized and contained.”

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His brother and sister-in-law, however, did not take kindly to this decision, insisting that their three-year-old son be invited, he said.

The nephew was born to the couple after a long period of infertility, wrote throwaway3373123 — noting that “everyone calls [the little boy] a ‘miracle’ or ‘rainbow’ baby.”

Two brothers are at odds after one used flashcards to stress to the other that his young child was not invited to an upcoming wedding, according to a post on Reddit. The man who's getting married asked the Reddit community for input on the ongoing dispute between the two men (not pictured).

Two brothers are at odds after one used flashcards to stress to the other that his young child was not invited to an upcoming wedding, according to a post on Reddit. The man who’s getting married asked the Reddit community for input on the ongoing dispute between the two men (not pictured).
(iStock)

A “rainbow baby” is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss, according to parenting website Parents.com.

“When they found out that my nephew was included in the no-children rule, they tried to convince me to make an exception for him,” said throwaway3373123.

“Even the best behaved child can require extra time and attention that can change the experience.” 

The man said his brother even tried to insist that “his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring ‘blessings’ for me and my fiancée,” said the Reddit poster.

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Throwaway3373123 also wrote on Reddit about the situation, “My brother told me this [wedding decision] might cause a rift in our relationship. I again said ‘no’ and explained that the wedding is child-free.”

The Redditor's brother tried to insist that "his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring ‘blessings’ for me and my fiancée," the original poster said — even after he made his wedding plans clear.

The Redditor’s brother tried to insist that "his son is a miracle baby and his presence at the wedding will bring ‘blessings’ for me and my fiancée," the original poster said — even after he made his wedding plans clear.
(iStock)

“He asked again and pointed out how his baby is different since he’s a rainbow, a miracle baby. I again said ‘no’ and explained that the wedding is child-free.”

Throwaway3373123 then said that he knew the topic would come up again when his brother and sister-in-law came to his house — so he prepared flashcards to emphasize the point that children were simply not invited to his wedding.

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“They brought it up when they visited my home, and I knew they weren’t going to stop,” he wrote.

He pulled the flashcards out and started slowly showing them one by one in this order, he said:

1. The wedding (with a sticker of bride and groom)

2. Is Child (with a sticker of a baby)

3. FREEE (with a sticker of a “no entry” emoji)

4. PERIOD (with a huge, black dot sticker)

People should respect the wishes of a bride and groom when it comes to guests or details of their wedding, Pittsburgh psychologist Natalie Bernstein told Fox News Digital. 

People should respect the wishes of a bride and groom when it comes to guests or details of their wedding, Pittsburgh psychologist Natalie Bernstein told Fox News Digital. 
(AP Photo/The News & Observer, Robert Willett)

His brother and sister-in-law “both were stunned” and left his house, he said.

His brother “said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son, who’s my one and only nephew,” the Reddit poster also shared on the social media platform.

His wife-to-be “saw the whole thing and thought that it was funny,” said throwaway3373123 — but added that his parents and brother are “livid beyond measure” and are calling on him to “fix” the situation.

“As long as you are clear and consistent, your decision should be respected.”

Psychologist Natalie Bernstein of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, said in an interview with Fox News Digital that she supported the couple’s decision to opt for a child-free wedding.

“Choosing to not invite children to the wedding is not a personal attack on a particular child — it is simply a preference for the tone and flow of the evening,” said Bernstein.

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“Even the best behaved child can requireextra time and attention that can change the experience.”

The original Reddit poster (not pictured) drove home his child-free wedding wishes with flashcards after his brother refused to accept the situation, the man wrote on Reddit.

The original Reddit poster (not pictured) drove home his child-free wedding wishes with flashcards after his brother refused to accept the situation, the man wrote on Reddit.
(iStock)

Bernstein has had “several” patients express regret that they allowed children to come to their weddings, she said, after their relatives pressured them about it.

“As long as you are clear and consistent, your decision should be respected,” said Bernstein. “To make an exception for one child is unfair to the other guests.”

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On the AITA subreddit, Redditors can reply to posts saying that the poster is “NTA” (“Not the A*****e), “YTA” (“You’re the A*****e”), “NAH” (“No A*****e Here”) or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”). Users can “upvote” responses they think are helpful and “downvote” ones that are not.

Other people voiced concerns about the young nephew — saying he was being set up for trouble later in life.

The majority of Reddit users were supportive of both throwaway3373123’s decision to have a child-free wedding and his unique approach of using flash cards to drive the point home to his brother.

“Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across,” wrote user Dipping_My_Toes in the top-upvoted reply.

"Choosing to not invite children to the wedding is not a personal attack on a particular child — it is simply a preference for the tone and flow of the evening," said Dr. Natalie Bernstein about the issue shared on Reddit.

"Choosing to not invite children to the wedding is not a personal attack on a particular child — it is simply a preference for the tone and flow of the evening," said Dr. Natalie Bernstein about the issue shared on Reddit.
(iStock)

“It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere,” the user also wrote. “It’s pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar.”

Another Redditor, a parent of a rainbow baby, also supported the decision to not invite the young nephew.

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“I have a rainbow baby. That has s—t to do with someone else’s wedding. Your brother is nuts. NTA,” wrote user Can_You_See_Me_Now.

Other people voiced concerns about the young nephew, saying the couple’s parenting of him was potentially setting the boy up for trouble later in life.

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“They are raising that kid to think he’s God’s gift to earth,” wrote user randaljams.

“He’s gonna be so narcissistic as an adult.”